Wednesday, 31 December 2008

Manchester United, racism, diets and breastfeeding (not in the same story)

All right then, a quick one before the year is out. New Year's Eve on the South Bank can wait.

First, though, a quick word of thanks to anyone still reading this blog; to those who put up with the epic early posts; to those who bookmarked it, RSSed it or remembered to return every Sunday night; and to those stuck with it through the regime change into its current non-weekly format. It's been great to know I'm not just prattling into an empty universe, as I usually am. Thank you all.

So why am I posting now, when I'm running late for a train? Because there are a couple of things I want to make clear before 2009 begins with a swirl of fireworks and anti-climax.




i) Manchester United are not out of the running for the Premiership. I keep reading interviews, match reviews and analyses saying, "United are still in the hunt" as if it's a surprise. Of course it isn't.

For one, United are never out of the running. As much as it pains me to say it (I hate United with a red devilish passion surpassed only by a recent revulsion towards Arsene Wenger), they are a good team that never gives up - hence their tradition in grabbing points from games at literally the last minute. The same goes in the longer run, and they'll fight this tooth and nail.

Secondly, they have the depth to cope with the injuries that naturally plague any team with title aspirations. One look at the depth of talent in the United midfield - Ronaldo, Giggs, Park, Carrick, Hargreaves (admittedly out for the rest of the season), Nani, Anderson, Scholes, Fletcher, O'Shea and any I've missed - is enough to know they can survive an injury crisis far better than the likes of 13-man squad Arsenal can.

Finally, have these naysayers even seen the points difference? United are seven points adrift of leaders Liverpool with two games in hand. If they win those two games, both at home - and they will - they're only a point behind. All it takes is a few dropped points by Liverpool (very likely) and they're top. Not asking much.

My prediction for 2009: Manchester United to win the Premiership.




ii) Facebook is right to ban photos of women breastfeeding. It is. The only problem is that it's gone the wrong way about it.

Breastfeeding photos shouldn't be banned because they're supposedly disgusting, or because nipples shouldn't be on show on such a widely-used website, but because there are some very dodgy people on Facebook who go around stalking women with public profiles. Believe me - I know some of them. Pictures of women liberally breastfeeding are enough to have some sick men reaching for their Kleenex, and for that reason - to protect the people in them - the photos should be banned.




iii) Raymond Blanc, the famous chef, has been a bit irresponsible in my view. There's not much on it here, but look past the stuff about family mealtimes to the bit about diet books. This is what The Telegraph focused on in their print report today, and quite rightly so.

Blanc has said that diet books make people fear food, rather than enjoy it. He seems to be of the 'live to eat, don't eat to live' party, claiming that British people are so worried about what they should and should not eat they don't eat nice food any more.

This is a tad dangerous in my view. Yes, diet books can be irresponsible too in giving people overly negative images of themselves, but at least they are trying to curb the obesity problem in this country. What we don't need is a leading chef telling people to stop worrying about their weight and eat whatever the hell they want.




iv) This man should resign.




And that's it for 2008! Thanks again for sticking with me. Here's to controversial stories in 2009.

Read More...

Monday, 29 December 2008

Football - the gentlemen's game

Blimey.

Crikey.

My goodness.

Oh dear.

We can only hope Gerrard's innocent. He's an inspiration to many young people, and if he's guilty they've lost a hero.

Hmm.

In other news, the stock market is set to crash in the next few days. Great stuff.

Read More...

Friday, 26 December 2008

Scouting for change

Now this is a good effort. OK, so he comes from Norwich and there's nothing better to do there, but gaining all the scout badges at the age of 10 is some achievement.

I'm not a big personal fan of the scouts myself, having dropped out as soon as I hit cubs (not much younger than this kid, then, but without a badge to my name), and I certainly don't see it as the all-important national institutuon it seems to be. Also, the myth that scouts all over the world are the innocent, God-fearing asexual kind that help little old ladies across the street is one that perhaps needs dispelling, or at least contextualising: I met them when Chelmsford hosted the World Scout Jamboree last year and to cut a long story short, most of them were chasing the busty girlscouts from Sweden and some were throwing knives at each other.

Still, as a concept the scouts are a good way to teach young children such practical tasks as, uh, skating. I do think the scouts should continue in a similar vein to the way they do now, albeit perhaps more secular (with the sex discrimination of Scouts vs. Brownies gone, we can probably drop the badge in 'my faith', can't we?). So yes, keep the scouts. But...

Are the badge categories still appropriate? They've moved smoothly from the whole 'surviving in the wilderness' focus to something more general, which is not all that odd, and they've adapted to the modern world quite well with badges in global conservation and martial arts and the like.

A lot of the badges, however, are very strange. 'Air activities'? 'Entertainer'? 'Communication'? That's a university degree, isn't it?

Since we've got a brigade of scouts dying to be useful, let's use them. It's probably time to drop some of the less useful and irrelevant badges. In a way, that suggests a return to the traditional ways as much as the newer ones - the new record holder Ben Spratling liked most the good old 'adventure' badge because he felt he could help people in an emergency.

And you can't get much more useful than that.

Read More...

Tuesday, 23 December 2008

The Pope vs. The Gays II: This Time It's Ambiguous

Gay rights groups have reacted with some fury to Pope Benedict XVI's recent denouncement of homosexuality and transsexuality. The Pope allegedly declared that mankind needs to save itself as much as it does the environment, and that means it needs an end to that oh-so-prevalent danger of 'gender blurring'.

The good ol' BBC has selected the more controversial of his comments, made in an end-of-year speech to Vatican staff (which sounds like a very sombre Christmas party). Have a read. These seems to be the statement that has caused most offence:

"The Church speaks of human nature as 'man' or 'woman' and asks that this order is respected."

Now call me naïve, but where's the gay-bashing there?

Read More...

Sunday, 21 December 2008

India and South Africa prove run chases are becoming a stroll

Being in Devon for a spell with Sky Sports enables me to write this post watching the 2nd India-England Test match but also keep up-to-date on the South Africa-Australia game. This is handy, because there's something of a pattern shared by the two.

South Africa chased to win in Perth, reaching the 414 target for the loss of only four wickets. This is the second-highest run chase in Test history, knocking India's demolition of England just the other day down to the fifth-highest ever. That's two of history's five highest run chases recorded in under a week. Good news, right? Right?

Well. The South Africa-Australia battle was a fantastic match, no doubt, but I'm not as happy as others are about success stories for teams batting second. It's good that seeing a target of 350+ does not automatically equate to a draw or a loss for the batting side, and it's more exciting for the spectators, obviously, and I suppose that's the point, but I can't help but feel a bit sorry for the bowlers. You're almost on a hiding to nothing.

OK, so Australia's attack was a lot weaker than it's been in the past: even with the Brettster and rising star Mitch Johnson, a four-pronged attack of Lee, Johnson, Peter Siddle and Jason Krejza is no McGrath-McDermott-Hughes-Warne. But nevertheless, South Africa should not have been allowed to chase a 400+ total against the best side in the world.

Big runs are happening not just in Australia, either. India chased a massive total the other day, and England are currently scoring at more than four runs an over (I still don't expect a result, though - not with the Beijing-esque bad light in Mohali).

The problem is the rolled pitches. Call me an old man, but with unprotected pitches there was always more in it for the bowler, and by the fifth day it was like batting on a cattle grid.

Now THAT is interesting cricket.

Read More...

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

de Menezes - the righteous kill?

Ah, the importance of reading a whole story before drawing conclusions.

My first reaction to this little piece of gold (originally seen on the Bad Science forums) was, in my head, "Has the world gone mad?" and verbally something I probably shouldn't repeat here. Rest assured it was along the lines of "Oh for Puck's sake".

But then you read the facts behind the conspiracy and you realise that you can agree with some aspects of taste and even political correctness if, y'know, they actually make sense.



The problem with the film Righteous Kill being advertised in Stockwell tube station, the site of the de Menezes shooting, is not that it's a violent film - if that was the issue, you'd be justified in calling me a Daily Mail reader (incidentally, did anyone see the tabloids yesterday screaming 'IMMIGRANTS HAVE STOLEN ALL OUR JOBS'? Sigh). But no, the issue is the film's tagline, which takes on wonderful irony in context of de Menezes' tragic death.

"There's nothing wrong with a little shooting as long as the right people get shot."

More than anything else, it's very funny. But then not everyone has the same dark sense of humour as I do. If it was deliberate marketing, it's a work of genius but also more than a little sick; if it was accidental, it was stupid.

OF COURSE people were going to be offended. I think removing the poster would be completely justified.

Either that or people get a darker sense of humour, but given that de Menezes lies dead for a crime he didn't commit, I can forgive them for not plunging those depths just yet.

Read More...

Monday, 15 December 2008

Tendulkar still the little master; Pietersen still not

And so the non-weekly updated-as-and-when format begins...




Incredible - yet strangely inevitable.

Having dominated much of the first Test in Chennai, England faltered to defeat at the hands of India's batsmen. Tendulkar hit an unbeaten century, Yuvraj an unbeaten 85, Sehwag 83 and Gambhir 66. In all, India reached the 387 target - the fourth-highest successful run chase in Test history - for the loss of only four wickets.

In my mind, the result is proof of two things. You can never write off Sachin Tendulkar ('past it' my arse), and Pietersen does not have the nouse to be England captain.

The thing with Michael Vaughan leaving the team was that although it left a space for a better, or at least more in-form, batsman, it left a giant gaping hole where there once was a great captain. These days, when every bowler and wicketkeeper has to be able to bat a bit (theoretically at least) and having any weakness in your game is a droppable offence, you can't pick a captain on captaincy alone. Gone are the days of Mike Brearley being picked for his ability to win a match for his team with his head and not his hands (Test batting average: 29; games won as captain: 58%). While Pietersen remains captain, and while Panesar (0-105) lacks variety, England's problem in closing out a match will continue.

Read More...

Sunday, 7 December 2008

Ch-ch-changes

So then, this is the 25th (kinda) and last Week Spot blog post as you know it. From next week, it will be updated as and when something in the news catches my eye - as, indeed, a blog should be.

Maybe I'll do a weekly round-up again, but I doubt it. So until that day does or doesn't come, here's a bumper final edition of strange stories for you.

And everything's changing, mainly to do with people being removed from the public eye. OJ Simpson's been locked up, Diana Vickers has been voted off X-Factor and Darren Anderton's retired from professional football.

I think that's good, good or bad and bad news respectively, but I'd appreciate your input on that. What do you think?

OJ loses common sense, freedom
The British public loses another Diana
Official: left-handers plagued by statistics
Andy Fordham hits the maximum in weightloss
The Discman makes a comeback
Sicknote Anderton hangs up his boots





OJ loses common sense, freedom

Dear oh dear. Opinion still seems to be divided over whether OJ Simpson murdered Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman, of whose deaths he was found innocent in 'the trial of the century' in 1995, but we can all agree on something – he's stupid.

Surely OJ should have known for more than a decade now that every move he makes would be watched like a hawk by people aggrieved with the 'not guilty' murder verdict, the authorities and conspiracy theorists. He should have been wary of picking his nose in case it turned out to be holding evidence against him.

So with this in mind, his reaction to the supposed theft of some memorabilia was, well, a bit special. For a start, it's not like he was actually robbed. Two people were trying to sell memorabilia from OJ's footballing days and he claimed it still belonged to him. Now, what do you do in that situation? Get legal on their arses? Let them peddle the useless wares? Or kidnap them at gunpoint and force them to give the stuff back? The latter, apparently. I think he's started to confuse his life with the movies he's been in.

Yet OJ claims, "I did not know that I was doing anything illegal." Uh...really? What part of it did you think was nice and legal, OJ? Was it the kidnapping or the armed robbery? Honestly, it's like he thinks he can get away with murder or something.

And so this time he's been sent down – down for 33 years (though it'll more likely be nine, when his parole is heard). Interesting. What's yet more interesting is that he was found guilty of this charge 13 years to the day after being acquitted in the murder trial. Some will call this justice; I just think it's the most beautiful irony.

Still, he's got only himself to blame. Silly boy.



The British public loses another Diana

So, Diana has been voted off X-Factor just one round before the grand final. I hear Mattel are desperate to get her voice into a range of Barbie dolls (complete with claw-like hands) to capitalise on the publicity. And the reaction of the rest of us is...conflicting, to say the least.

I haven't been watching X-Factor at all – I've drying paint that needs monitoring – but like many sceptics, I've been dragged in a bit by the drama. From the couple of performances I've seen, I know that some of them can sing, some of them can't, and Diana Vickers is definitely memorable.

That is to say, I don't know if I like her or hate her. She somehow manages to sound bloody awful and absolutely amazing at the same time – something not done since Bob Dylan, albeit in a very different way. I think yesterday's show proved that faster, louder songs don't suit her, which may well be why she was voted out (well, that and she annoys people), but she can belt out a ballad in at least a distinctive way. Put it this way: I don't know if I like it or not, but I still have her version of Coldplay's Yellow in my head. And since the winner is going to sing Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah and you know no one's going to do it better than Jeff Buckley, at least hers would be different from the norm.



The winners are generally dull. Leon? What's happened to him? At least he could sing, I think, which sets him apart from Ray Quinn, who is without a doubt one of the worst singers I have ever heard, and yet he came second a couple of years ago. Listen to him sometime. He doesn't sing any consonants.

Anyway, like her princess namesake, Diana's gone now – cast aside like the proverbial rag doll she physically resembles. As if it matters – she'll get a record contract and, like her 16-year-old rival and potential squeeze Eoghan, will add to the list of people more than 5 years younger than me (she's 17) and phenomenally more successful than I am.

Bastards.



Official: left-handers plagued by statistics

More useless education statistics emerged recently. After the classic that was 'pupils born later in the year do worse in exams' (I've already written an article on that one), we're now told left-handed students don't test as well as their right-handed counterparts. Oh good, so we'll just make sure our children are right-handed, shall we? I'm sure a return to the 19th century will do us good, and make sure we all grow up in a right-handed utopia. But just to make sure, let's move back in time and culture completely and burn lefties at the stake for being witches.

This goes out to the BBC and educational researchers: STOP SPREADING ALARMISM. Non-stories of non-studies like this just lead idiots to worry, and they don't need the persuasion.

I'm not left-handed. But 7-10% of the population are, and please, just leave them alone. Five of the last seven Presidents of the USA – Ford, Reagen, Bush Snr., Clinton and Obama (and McCain as well) – have been left-handed. No one talks about that. Actually, that's probably for the best: the rednecks have enough to go on without our telling them the world is not only in the hands of a black guy, but a left-handed black guy.

I wonder if they've had to move the red button on his desk.



Andy Fordham hits the maximum in weightloss

What the hell has happened to Andy Fordham? I am really, really glad he has decided to kick the drink (seriously, 23 bottles of lager a day?) and lose some weight but he looks emaciated. I mean, I suppose that's what losing 17 stone does to you, but I genuinely don't recognise him. I think it's an actor.

Oh well, good for him, I suppose. But he does look terrifying.

So the lesson here, kids, is if you want to avoid inevitable surgery, don't play darts.





The Discman makes a comeback

And yet I can't find N64 controllers anywhere.



Sicknote Anderton hangs up his boots

So. Farewell
Then
Darren Anderton.

You have played
Your last game. 599. You
Scored a volley in the dying minutes to grab a dramatic win for Bournemouth.

Well done.

Sicknote. That
Was your name.
People called you that
Because you were always
Injured.

Now you're
Retired.
But you're not dead.
Yet.

(With apologies to E. J. Thribb, 17½)



Read More...